!!!!! Surprise! Now you know why I've been away for so long! Morning sickness and fatigue are NOT my friends! It really has been overwhelming, more than my other two pregnancies. I haven't been able to do much...too dizzy. I miss you all, and haven't made anything in a while. I am not the kind that could lay in bed all day, especially with my family and art waiting. It's been very depressing.I am trying to stay positive though- We planned this pregnancy and even though I've been stuck in bed, I haven't had a single migraine. I consider myself very lucky for that! With Lil and Maddie I had them the whole first trimester. I am 10 weeks along, so I hope to be myself again once everything settles down. :)
There is another part to this story. My ultrasound at 6 weeks showed 2 sacs- twins! We were so shocked! It was a good and scary thing at the same time. Good because it was another life, a blessing. Scary because it was two times everything! We were given books with great tips about how to manuever twins- thanks Holly! Lots of family members eagerly volunteered to help us get through the first few tricky months. We could do this.
In that 2 weeks, I heard a lot of great stories about twins. Even though they are twice as much work, they are twice as much of a blessing too. Twice as many coos, etc. And any parents of twins should get a medal... I mean it!
Then, at my 8 week ultrasound, we were told that one twin had vanished. We were aware that this could happen, especially with such an early ultrasound...turns out it is more common than people think. Toss in some pregnancy hormones and I was quite a mess. Even though I knew it could happen. Even though I knew that the remaining baby had a much better chance at avoiding premature birth and tons of other complications. Even though my fears of not being able to give each child enough attention were gone.
While I understood these things, I still was sad for the loss of whoever that was. Not in the same way as someone that was actually born and lived a life here on earth, but still sad. I got used to the idea of twins, I accepted it, and was even looking forward to it. It wasn't a great day.
Things are better now.
It just wasn't in the cards for me, and that's okay. I did nothing extra to have twins, and there was nothing I could do to stop one from vanishing. And I'm STILL blessed when it comes to children. I have my 2 little redhead beauties, and 1 healthy baby growing in my belly. We are talking STRONG heartbeat people! :) So please, no pity parties for me...it's all good! :)
I painted this before all the pregnancy fun set in...I knew what it meant then, but it is much more significant to me now.
It's a reminder to put your heart into what you do in life. Make it the best it can be. Then send it off, let it go, with no regrets and no worries about how things work out. Because you did all you could.
